so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
