omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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