got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
