one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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