I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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