I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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