that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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