Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
