so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
