Heybabeimwearingurpanties
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
