I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
