I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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