thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
