Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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