I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
