She's JV to your varsity
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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