i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
