Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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