she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
