Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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