Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
