You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How many fucks given?
0.12846
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
