Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
