i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
