your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
