Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
