Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
