Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
