there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize