You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
