you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
