Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize