Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
