I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
