He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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