I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
