I wish my penis had an off switch
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize