Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
