Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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