he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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