would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
