Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
