you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
