I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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