If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
