The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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