i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
