just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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