like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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