ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
