If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
