No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
