Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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