She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
