There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
