Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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