i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
