Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
