I think I won the penis lottery.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
