I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
