Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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