i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
