so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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