hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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