When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
