Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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