I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
