Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
