sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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