And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
