I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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