Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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