This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
