So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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