everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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