can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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