That's intense
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
