Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
